Written in 2003

In my world
Seeing is not always believing
Or so they tell me
In my world
Nothing is solid
Everything flows
Sounds can be felt
Colours can sing

In my world
Moods swing
Like a child in a playground
Sometime I’m flying
Sometimes I fall off
And hurt myself
Blade to the skin
Feels so good
Pain flows out
With the blood
Shame it scars

In my world
The dead walk
And talk
Some become friends
Aliens stalk the streets
And watch me through windows
Faces appear in walls
Staring for a moment
Then vanishing
People, animals, trees
Have auras
Energy of life linking all
So beautiful

I can’t live
In the world
Of a job
Study
Friends
Lovers
I don’t belong
In that world
I wish I did
I am looked after
Like a child
Helpless

I have an illness
The doctors say
Not my fault
It’s in my genes
Many people have it
Even famous people
Creative people
Successful people
But many die from it
So I must do what they say
Take the medication
Visit the shrink
Treatment isn’t much fun

Blood drawn
Needles violate my skin
The drugs that keep me sane
Might harm my organs
That’s what they tell me
When they take my blood
The drugs make me sleepy, dizzy, shaky
And fat fat fat...
Sometimes I hate them
But they work
Mostly
But the magic is gone

What now do I believe?
Is my world real?
Or the one handed to me
In purple and white pills
Are the things I see
waking dreams
No life of their own
My own creation

The doctors say
If I hear a voice
No one else can hear
It does not exist
But it’s there
Talking to me
The doctors say
If I see something
That no one else can see
Then it is not real
But it is real to me
Whatever they say